apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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