We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
why is half of my head shaved?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
