had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
