if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
