you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
