So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
