I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
