I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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