Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
