Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just googled if crying burns calories
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
