no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
