Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
