This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
