Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
