honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
