Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
