I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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