after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
