How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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