I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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