At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Mom said you looked used
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
