I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
