I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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