I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
