Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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