youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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