thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
