Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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