I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
