whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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