I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
