Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
