Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
