We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
