Where is the hickey?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
