so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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