Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
