You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
