Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
