scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
jump out the window naked night went bad
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