Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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