My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
