So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
