Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
