We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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