I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
