she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
there is glitter all over my balls
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
