omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
