her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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