ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
