Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There's always time for handjobs
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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