I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
