I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
