I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
