i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
