Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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