could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
