I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
