rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
