I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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