I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
whose parrot is this?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize