Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
