This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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