I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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