Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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