she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
