I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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