I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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