you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
