broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize