he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
