I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
