I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
