sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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