Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
