I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
im six kinds of drunk right now
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
