Me. At least after what I've been through.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
