Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We have started to decorate penises.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
