i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
