I faked an abortion last night.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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