her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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