You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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