if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
